You Are Here
by quickand2thepointless
Summary: If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Kurogane and Fai open up to each other as lovers and explore the depths of their changing relationship. Kuro/Fai one-shot.


**A/N: **Well, this is my first foray into Tsubasa fanfiction. I personally enjoyed writing this, and I hope you will enjoy it as well.

**Rating: **Low level M for sex, but very little in the way of graphic terminology

**Timeline: **The Tsubasa cameo in Xxxholic Volume 18 (takes place years after their world hopping to find a place for Syaoran and Sakura begins). Syaoran's group stays at Watanuki's shop for five days, and then are sent along to Clow by Watanuki.

**Disclaimer: **Credit to CLAMP where credit is due

0o0o0o0o0o

When the magical fog pouring from Mokona's mouth finally clears, Fai realizes that, for the first time in a long while, they have found their way back to Yuuko's shop.

_I should say Watanuki-kun's shop now, _he corrects himself, though he knows he will always associate this place with his first glimpse of the Dimension Witch, back when their long and endless journeys had first begun. That meeting had not been a happy time for him, though he had forced a smile almost immediately after his feet had first touched the ground, and almost as quickly began torturing Kurogane to place a safe and necessary line of emotional distance between them, the hunter and his future prey. In his heart, Fai had wondered as he gazed upon those foreign faces h_ow many of you will I kill for the sake of my selfishness? How many of you will be hurt because of me? _And all that time, the Dimension Witch had known what he was capable of, but trusted in the forces of hitsuzen and the collective strengths of Syaoran, Sakura, and Kurogane to keep things moving in the direction they were fated to go, regardless of what other forces interfered.

But Fai is happier now with the new and better memories he has, and is relieved to see the shop and Watanuki-kun standing on its porch with the black Mokona poised on his shoulders, calling out noisily to its other half. It is not the Kingdom of Clow, where Syaoran would be most happy and at long last be reunited with Sakura, and nor is it Nihon, where Kurogane would be privileged to briefly return as a ninja in the service of Tomoyo-hime as he must wish, but it is an ideal place all the same, a place where they can each relax and enjoy themselves. And already Syaoran has made a break for Watanuki-kun, just as the white Mokona has rushed for the black, their faces bright with joy at the sight of their soul's most beloved friends.

"It's been a while since the kid's looked that happy," Kurogane mutters, rising from the position on his knees which he landed in and wiping the dirt from his cloak.

"Not since we saw Sakura-chan last," Fai says, smiling.

"Mm. And now that we're here, that white bun is going to be causing a ruckus with the black one all night. I almost have a headache just thinking about it."

"Ah-ha, is Kuro-tan getting grumpy?" Fai teases.

Even though he no longer has to mask his true personality or do anything to keep Kurogane at arm's length—they had passed that point a long time ago, after months of coldness on Fai's part and rankled pride on Kurogane's—Fai hadn't been lying when he told Yuuko that he finds teasing the Nihon ninja to be a particularly entertaining exercise. Every one of Kurogane's reactions is beautiful to Fai, from his teeth grinding, to his hurled insults, to his vague or infuriated grunts of annoyance. In spite of their once being a ruse, these moments have become an integral part of Fai, and he wouldn't give them up for anything now, especially now that he has become so fond of pushing Kurogane to the limits of his restraint.

"Does Kuro-sama wish we ended up in another forest world where all we can do is sit around on the ground and wait for Moko-chan's earring to glow?" Fai prods.

Kurogane glares at him, but it doesn't fully reach his eyes. "Who does nothing but sit around? You usually find a way to get the kid and the manjuu drunk, and you all end up either singing at the top of your lungs or attacking inanimate objects."

"And isn't it fun? Kurorin should join us sometime, and enjoy himself, too."

"Who would enjoy prancing around like an idiot other than you?" He rolls his eyes and folds his arms across his chest. "Worlds like that are a waste of our time. Of course I wouldn't want to end up there."

"Why? Because we can't run into any of our old friends, or because there's no chance of finding a special world for Syaoran and Sakura in those places?"

Kurogane snorts. "What's with all those noble reasons? It's because when we're in those worlds, it's impossible to get away from the kid and the white meat bun for more than a few minutes at a time."

"How unkind! Daddy is so cruel to his children. As punishment, I should get some drinks to go around and make sure we're all drunk enough to sing Daddy an extra special song." With a wink, Fai steps forward and places his hand on his host's shoulder. "Watanuki-kun! Does Doumeki-kun have some of his sake for us tonight?"

"He'll be coming later," Watanuki answers, his temperate smile reminding Fai painfully of Yuuko. "For now, we can use some of what I have in my own stores. Mokona, want to go get some sake for Fai?"

"Sake for Fai!" the two Mokona and Maru and Moro chime in unison. "Sake for Fai!" Kurogane mutters something unintelligible under his breath, rubbing his forehead.

"How has it been for you?" Watanuki asks, gesturing them forward into the shop. "Have you met up with Sakura-chan yet?"

"No," Syaoran says quietly, bowing his head. "But I know we will."

Watanuki sighs to himself at this answer. "It must be hard for you to always be apart from the one you love. That always struck me as the greatest evil Fei Wang Reed committed against you. To attempt to manipulate someone's path is a crime many have fallen prey to through the ages, but to play such intricate games with the hearts of people who wanted nothing more than to find happiness? That is unforgivable."

"And we haven't forgiven him for any of it," Fai says darkly. "Have we, Kuro-puu?"

Kurogane says nothing. His hands simply stray to the juncture where his mechanical arm meets his living flesh, feeling the still strange juxtaposition of skin and bone with cool metal and wire beneath his fingers. Watanuki is right; there is something in this that cannot, no matter how much times passes, be forgiven. He doesn't care about the loss of his limb—in fact, he would do it over again without hesitation or regret—but the fact that it was even necessary, that Fai had once incessantly been forced to submit himself to circumstances that made him ever-ready to give up his own life at the drop of a hat, infuriates him. The pain of what his wound signifies burdens him more than the physical pain itself. Pain is something he is used to, something he has to a certain extent embraced as a means to an end in battle, but this kind of pain is something that he can't ignore, even though Fai is himself again, both smiling and serious, both fun loving and purposeful. It is not all safely in the past yet; traces of it still linger in the wizard's eyes when he gazes upon Kurogane's arm or the twin dots on his skin, the scarce remains of puncture wounds from days long past.

Without thinking, he snatches up Fai's wrist and presses his thumb against his pulse point. At times, it is enough to hear the blood rushing through him, a sign that he was not consumed in Outo or murdered by Syaoran's clone or slain by his own hands in Infinity or crushed by the weight of his own past, trapped in Celes. He is here: living and fractured, but yet whole through the mended cracks. Kurogane knows he is being uncharacteristically irrational, but it gives him peace to know that in spite of all the things he cannot forgive, there is one thing good he has salvaged, one beloved person in his life that his strength and love have at last allowed him to keep.

0o0o0o0o0

After Fai has polished off half a bottle of Watanuki's sake—a surprisingly slow pace considering that both of the meat buns as well as Syaoran are already half way through their second—Kurogane snatches it from his hands and parcels it off to Maru and Moro to take back to the kitchen. Fai's face instantly transforms into a pout, which may have annoyed the ninja if it wasn't so perfectly suited for the wizard's unassuming and innocent face.

"I wasn't done," Fai protests in a voice that attempts to be cold, yet fails.

"Are you ever?"

Kurogane studies Fai's blue eyes for the telltale glassiness that indicates whether or not he is on the verge of becoming a nonsense-chattering buffoon—or at least more of one than usual. They are a bit more unfocused than they typically are, given the total lack of alcohol tolerance of Fai's slight frame and build, but there is no sign of anything greater than a little wooziness and distraction. Kurogane nods in approval and leans in closer to Fai's ear. "Hey. The manjuu and his friend are asleep."

"Yes, I just noticed it had gotten quieter. All of that joy and excitement must have exhausted them. Maybe now that they're out cold, I can help myself to their sake bottle, ne Kuro-sama?"

"You've had enough," Kurogane says. _And you aren't getting the point here, _he adds to himself. "The two kids are outside talking again."

"Kurorin is so observant, but he forgets that I have both eyes to realize these things for myself now," Fai laughs, snaking out his hand to snatch Mokona's sake. Kurogane grabs it before it can reach too far, and presses it against his chest.

"Don't be an idiot," he whispers into Fai's ear, his voice low and struggling to keep the tone of indifference he preferred to maintain at all times, even in situations like this. "The last three worlds have all involved camping outside with the kid and manjuu without the opportunity to go off anywhere alone. If you don't know what I want, I suggest you get in bed and find out before I smack you for being a fool."

The look in Fai's eyes doesn't shift, so Kurogane knows that he was aware of what was being discussed all along. He simply reaches a hand up to ruffle Kurogane's black hair, and smiles vapidly as if to keep himself from inciting his own emotions and giving immediately in to what the ninja asks of him.

"You want to do those sorts of things in Watanuki-kun's shop? Daddy is so shameless sometimes." He leans forward somewhat, switching to his more natural tone of voice. "The walls here aren't that thick, and Syaoran-kun and Watanuki-kun will come back in eventually. As much as I want you, I don't think it's in our best interest to be known as animals who can't control themselves when the children are around."

"It isn't as if the kid doesn't already know," Kurogane grumbles, his right hand straying to Fai's waist. "When you're drunk, you make so much noise that the whole building can hear it. That's why I asked you to stop drinking in the first place. Because I'm having you one way or the other tonight, and if you don't want the kids to know, you're going to have to be very quiet."

"So shameless," Fai repeats, his emotionless smile at last dropping to reveal what Kurogane can now recognize as his true happiness. It is not something he sees often, though it's happening more and more lately, ever since that night in the frozen Kingdom of Clow when Fai had tended to the wounds Kurogane had so carefully tried to hide and they had first taken each other in a sloppy, frantic fashion as they raced against the limitations of time. This is the smile he has claimed for himself, the look he has accredited as the reward for saving Fai's life so many times over. At first he had thought Fai's existence was all he needed in recompense, but it has become clearer to him over time that Fai's happiness, his true smile and true self, holds a worth more precious than anything he has ever imagined possessing.

"I never said I wasn't."

Without any further ado, he lifts Fai into his arms, carrying him in the sack of potatoes style he had adapted when Fai had injured his leg in Outo. It isn't a very affectionate gesture, he realizes, but Fai is too old for piggyback and is possessing the wrong gender to make princess style appropriate. These are his long established reasons, but Fai is still convinced, as he was back in Outo, that Kurogane only uses it as a valid excuse to touch his ass his public.

"Which room is for us?" Fai wonders, bouncing along on Kurogane's good shoulder. "Make sure we don't accidentally go into Watanuki-kun's, please."

"Stop talking about stupid things. I know what I'm doing."

He passes Watanuki's room, which is obviously the largest one—as if he wouldn't know that!—and makes his way down to the furthest guest room. Before sliding the door open, he pulls the band from Fai's hair and leaves it on the ground for reasons Fai does not immediately grasp.

"What was that for?"

"Marking our territory. Unless you would like me to leave something more prominent out there for them?"

"Like Kuro-tan's panties?"

With a harsh groan, Kurogane slides the door shut and throws himself down on the bed, easing Fai into his lap. "That's enough out of you," he snarls, sealing his lover's lips beneath his own.

Fai is obedient when it comes to this part. Jokes are well and good when they are together in casual situations, especially when they cannot communicate to each other more clearly out of respect for Mokona and Syaoran, but in their intimate moments, when they are able to have them whenever a moment and place for privacy can be found, Fai prefers to match Kurogane's straightforward passion with his own. After all, it hadn't been his false smiles and constant pet nicknames that convinced the ninja he was someone worth falling in love with; rather, it had been those moments of frankness, those moments where Kurogane could see past the façade and into the deeper, hidden heart that did the trick. And Fai, in turn, had only realized that Kurogane was not an obstacle standing in the way of his dream, but rather a person he wanted to treasured and preserve only when Kurogane had lectured him Outo, stating so bluntly that he was the kind of person who would give everything to both protect the people he loved and to stay alive for their sakes as well as his own.

On most occasions, depending on how long it has been since they've last touched each other, they would take things in a relatively slow fashion. Kurogane is a surprisingly gentle lover with Fai, belying his size and unrelenting temperament with control and patience, and he gets more enjoyment out of stringing the magician along slowly, driving him to whimper and beg and ask for more, than he does out of diving in and reaching the height of physicality without preamble. Fai is pliant and undemanding about how Kurogane chooses to move, as long as the ninja's arm is not strained and his own tolerance isn't tested to the point of pain, but at times like these, after days upon days of self-imposed distance and abstinence, both of them want the same thing, defined simply by the word _now_.

Tonight they move quickly from one stage to the other, giving themselves only enough time to enjoy the first caress before it is replaced by the second. Kurogane's hands fumble blindly with Fai's clothes (_"Too many layers," he hisses, pulling at any seam he can reach while the wizard laughs and pulls off his own clothes without trouble at all)_ while simultaneously biting and sucking into the curve of his neck, engraving his mark of _you are mine and mine alone _into his lover's skin. Fai hums and whimpers in the back of his throat, keeping quiet just as he was ordered to, and even though Kurogane was the one to issue the order and confirm its practicality, he can't help but wish they were in a place where Fai could release the sweet tenor of his voice, the sounds which confirm the places that feel good and prove that he is being pleased just as much as he is pleasing.

After their clothes are out of the way, Kurogane turns his efforts to preparing Fai for what is to come. This is another part that is has become easier over time, much to his relief. The first time, the occasion when they had barely any time on their hands at all, to prepare or do otherwise, Kurogane had been forced to hurt Fai a little in order to have them joined and in motion before the threat of resetting with the frozen time became too pressing. Fai had borne it well, only emitting a quiet little sob and wince of pain, but it had given Kurogane no pleasure to be responsible for either of these things. _It doesn't matter, there are more important things than that, _Fai had said, but it hadn't made it any less uncomfortable for him. At least now, even if they are in a hurry, he can keep the wizard from shouldering any additional pain than what large amount he has already been given in his life.

"Ready," Fai pants into Kurogane's ear, lifting his hips higher and beckoning him to continue. "I am ready for you now."

Even though he is already shuddering with desire, Kurogane can't resist the fact that for one this one moment, he has Fai entirely at his mercy. "What do you want?" he whispers, teasing the other man gently with his fingers. Fai sucks his breath in and buries his face in Kurogane's chest so his voice is muffled and kept from being overheard.

This question, asked by Kurogane every time they reach this point if they are still capable of thinking, much less talking, is Fai's opportunity to decide how things will progress. Answering with another man's name means punishment in some form another, while giving a blunt, anatomical answer will earn him a bit more roughness as well as a stream of blush inducing dirty talk into his ear. For tenderness, he responds with a kiss or caress, and for something more relaxed and playful, he'll give Kurogane a flippant _What else, Kuro-puu? _But there is one answer the both of them enjoy the most, the one that places the reigns back in Kurogane's hands where Fai is happiest to leave them. For all his bluntness, Kurogane is capable of such great passion and attention to Fai's needs that, more often than not, Fai is more inclined to allow him to take the lead than to choose for himself the best of the array of pleasures.

"_You,_" he whispers firmly, digging his fingers into Kurogane's back. "Kuro-sama, I want you."

Kurogane leans in, locking his deep red eyes with Fai's brilliant blue gaze. Moving swiftly, but with a gentle concern for his lover's comfort, he helps Fai lower himself onto his arousal, studying his expression for any signs of things other than pure pleasure. But Fai is just as willing as he is to give in tonight. His face crumples into a sweet moan of ecstasy, which he quickly smothers once again against Kurogane's chest. When the wizard's hot breath tickles against his skin, it inflames him to an even deeper passion, making him want to burn a greater fire within Fai's body.

"Kuro…sama…" Fai whispers, his lips pressing against Kurogane's shoulder. "Don't… think I can… do it."

"You want me to stop?" Kurogane asks, nipping his ear between his teeth. "Isn't a bit late for that?"

"No… don't stop. I mean— " Fai pauses, his voice coming out in a strangled yelp. "I mean… I don't think I can… be quiet."

"Tell me something I don't know," Kurogane laughs. "But if you want only me to hear that voice of yours… you're going to have to keep trying."

"You're horrible."

"And you were the one… who said you wanted me."

In another minute, neither of them have the strength left to talk. Their words instead speak through their motions, the roll of Kurogane's hips, the barely suppressed cries from Fai's mouth that can only be smothered by kisses, the rhythmic rocking of their bodies which picks up speed until neither of them can think or speak much past what they can stammer out in short breaths, Fai crying out Kurogane's name over and over again and Kurogane responding with gruff curses groaned out with effort.

They go still for a moment when they come to completion, Fai first with Kurogane following seconds after, and collapse onto each other in exhaustion. Once again, Kurogane lets Fai choose the direction of this part, not because he thinks he will misstep and say the wrong thing, but because Fai assigns more importance to words than he has ever been compelled to.

In Nihon, there was never much of a need to be expressive. If he wanted to show gratitude to Tomoyo-hime, he slaughtered her enemies. If he wanted to display his rage, he slaughtered his own enemies. If he was frustrated, he'd train for hours until his body could go no further.

And as for Fai, everything he has to say to him is contained in his body, proven by the things he does more than the things he says. Love is spoken in the blood he had poured down Fai's throat before he succumbed to death, in the blade that slew Ashura-o to free him from the chains of his past, and in the arm that had fallen useless to the ground when he realized the price he needed to pay to keep Fai at his side. That is love as he understands it, something he knows that Fai realizes about him even though it is never said in words.

Fai rests his chin and arms against Kurogane's chest, blinking up at him with delirious eyes. "Kuro-sama, are you glad to be here?" he asks, his voice wavering between its two tones, the maddeningly carefree one and the one that is softer and more reserved. His hesitance tells Kurogane that is a serious question, one that asks for a serious answer rather than the terse dismissal he would receive during one of their humorous exchanges.

"You are here, aren't you?" Kurogane says simply. "And we are here, like this."

"But if you could have Mokona take us to any time or place, where would it be?" He brushes his fingers against the scar on Kurogane's arm, and then to the one on his chest in the place where Ashura-o had pierced him. "Would it be to the time before this?"

"Never. We weren't happy back then. You were lying to me, and lying to yourself. And your lack of honesty almost made me hate you for all the ways you tried to make yourself disappear."

"But you were whole back then. Every world was a new adventure, and a new chance to test your strength and resolve."

"We weren't happy," Kurogane repeats. "All of the smiles you tossed around were a way to keep me from understanding who you are. And all that time I knew there was something—someone—there you wouldn't let me see." He sighs and shakes his head. "You know I hate pretty words. But if I could go anywhere, it would be just like that kid and the princess. I'd want to go somewhere where you are. Somewhere like here." He lifts his head up a little, stroking his fingers through Fai's hair. "And you? What do you want?"

Fai closes his eyes and smiles. "_I wish for happiness,_" he murmurs, his voice coming out almost as if he is singing. "_I seek happiness. To find happiness with you. To be your happiness."_

"That song from Clover in Outo, right?" Kurogane recollects. "Are you going to ask me to cart you off to a true Elsewhere now?"

"No," Fai says, exhaling a contented sigh. "I am fine right here. I am happy here with you."

0o0o0o0o

**Bonus Scene: **"I wonder where Fai-san and Kurogane-san are?" Watanuki wonders. Syaoran is already passed out with the black and white Mokona, muttering under his breath about thanking Sakura-hime for the apple payu, but Doumeki has just shown up for whatever remains of the party, armed with a bag full of the liquor from his temple. "Fai-san was really looking forward to having some of your drinks."

"Maybe they went to prepare their room," Doumeki says indifferently. He's already fished into the bag to begin downing one of the bottles himself. "Are there any leftovers from dinner?"

"WOULD YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT FOOD FOR TWO SECONDS?" Watanuki shrieks, shooting Doumeki the sort of death glare he would always be oblivious to. "I think I hear voices from the room at the end of hallway. That's must be where they are."

"There's a hair tie on the floor," Doumeki says. "It might not be a good idea to interrupt."

"What are you talking about? It probably just fell out of Fai-san's hair, or else he dropped it." Watanuki lifts his hand to knock on the door, when a strange noise from inside stops him. It sounds like Fai-san, but at the same time very different, as if Fai-san is crying out in pain or sobbing over something. Watanuki almost bursts in to check on his guest until he hears the faintly murmured _Kuro-sama's _and soft begging for more and more and more.

Watanuki's face turns a bright red, and he abruptly turns away from the door. "I just remembered there are leftovers in the kitchen," he says, trying to remain calm. "Let's go have some. Now."

He drags Doumeki through the halls by the sleeve of his shirt, pulling him away from the telling noises, but it seems they were noticed in any case. "So they _have_ been doing those things," Doumeki murmurs to himself, his tone entirely too nonchalant.

"We are not talking about this!" Watanuki declares firmly, forcing Doumeki into a seat and tossing him anything he can find still left on the counter.

"I thought it would be louder than that. They must be very restrained."

"LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Watanuki yells, clanging a wooden spoon against one of the pots he used for dinner.

"You would be screeching like a—"

"THAT'S IT! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND SCATTER YOUR ASHES TO THE WIND!"

Doumeki merely chews on his dinner thoughtfully, marveling at how red Watanuki's pale white skin could go.

0o0o0o0o0


End file.
